Feeling encouraged (on the deeper side of my life)

I'm feeling really encouraged at the moment about this year. It's not always easy to feel that spending a year on learning a language is worth it- but as I've mentioned before, I've been feeling a bit better about our level of French recently. Of course, there is still lots more to learn and I think as an adult language learner it is always that way, but I hope that we will be able to do some real work when we get to Congo because of this pre-work.

Also, we just got our first fundraising statement from CAMA on our truck and it was so encouraging to receive donations towards that. It brings home, more than anything else, the fact that we have just three months left here before moving in April.

I'm also seeing confirmation that God had bigger plans for me this year then just to learn French, raise Sam and spend time with my family. I'm growing a lot personally this year- probably in part because I'm not distracted by being very busy with work. For most of the first six months of Sam's life, I was so absorbed in his needs and also just tired so I was kind of on hold or to put it better- in a receiving-only state- spiritually, but the last four months have been really powerful. I was just talking with my mom last night about how, in reading a biography of Isobel Kuhn and praying, I've been seeing my sinfulness in a new light and she reminded me that just last year I was complaining that I could never figure out what to confess- I knew that that was shallow and that, of course, I am sinful, but the specific things were hard to come by and I told her then of my desire to know my sins more clearly so that I could pray, repent, and be remade and be more of who God created me to be. So when I told her how I was feeling, she said "oh that's wonderful," when I expected more of a "I'm sorry honey." It was great to be reminded of the big picture good that comes about from times like this and I am very much praying that all of this will somehow prepare me more for what God has for me in Congo and beyond.

I really learn from reading biographies and I've been reading this big set by Isobel Kuhn- here's an excerpt that I found particularly relevant last night:

"(Alice) said, "Keep your treasures on the open palm of your hand. If you hold something tight clenched in your fist, God may have to hurt you in order to open your fingers and take it from you. But if it is offered on the open palm of your hand, you will hardly know when it is gone." Right after that she goes on to talk about Natural Affection. She describes how affection in its natural state and especially in intense natures tends to run to excess if given free rein. "'Those who belong to Christ Jesus have cruicified the sinful nature with its passions and desires;, said Paul. .. When we allow the Lord to nail our affections to the cross (to use the scriptural metaphor), we do not cease to love. We love even more widely, but it is a love stripped of corrupting influences."

I love that pictures of the clenched hand being pried open because I have to do that several times a day to Sam and sometimes I'm sure it hurts him a little. Also, who has an intense nature if not me? Moreover, it was really interesting to me because more than anything else in the world, I love my family and friends. I love them really deeply and physical closeness to them is the one thing that I really feel that I sacrifice in order to do what I do. I really like trying new foods, seeing new places, meeting new people and I don't get nearly as bothered as some people by inconveniences like inefficient bureaucracy and crazy drivers. But I do miss my family and friends. That, of course, is fine and good. But sometimes, it is to excess and it leads me away from what I should be doing, at least how I should be thinking. So all of this is especially relevant to me this year since God has really really graciously worked it out for us to be here with my parents this year and then sometimes I think that it isn't fair that He'd give me this and then move me away again. But really, I should be so grateful because even in how it's hard to miss my friends weddings and babies being born and holidays at home (in Malaysia or Morocco), God makes it so easy for me. For one, I have this blog and Skype and email- all of which were not possible even when I first lived overseas in Tanzania in 1998 (okay we had email, but it wasn't like it is now). And then just today we found out two amazing things.
1) our friends who live inTajikistan just happen to be in the same town in Spain where we are going this weekend to pick up my grandparents and do our visa run, and they are just there for this week.
2) Congo-Brazzaville only has flights in from a couple of nations one of which is Morocco so we will probably be able to route our tickets home to the US through here and have short visits wit my parents on either end of our next furlough :-)

Well, those of you who have made it this far can also have advance notice that, though I don't yet have videographic evidence, Sam is walking!!! He took his one step several times yesterday (on his tenth month bday) and tonight did quite a few steps in a row. We'll catch in on tape and post it when we can.